quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
