I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
