True but thats because hes a fetus.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize