I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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