Say something about gay babies.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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