glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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