This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
