he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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