sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
