come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
