i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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