just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
