I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
