Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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