you guys were way drunker than both of me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize