he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
