hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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