Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
