I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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