you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
