I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
