My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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