You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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