they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
