your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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