its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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