Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
