I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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