So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
