I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
