I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am one with the molecules
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
