the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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