have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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