he wants to bone in the snuggie
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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