I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
