Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
