We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
