all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
