Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
