Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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