I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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