respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
