I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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