Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
