hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
