Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
