I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
