just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
