He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
