K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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