Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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