Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
