he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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