So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize