Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
