Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
