My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
