My first STD was from a foam party
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You made out with two different species that night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
