i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
