already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
