me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
