and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize