I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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