I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
