its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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