i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
