Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
