You really coming over, don't trick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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