I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
