just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
