the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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