My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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