I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
