I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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