So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
