I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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