Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
