paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
