A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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