wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
