hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Randomize
