Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
