you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
