i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
