Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
