i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
