ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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