3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
