Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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