She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
