Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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