I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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