What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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