i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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