the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize