you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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