he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
