We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
