New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
