Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
