Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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