I am in a vortex of obligation.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
