I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
