Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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