We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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