I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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