I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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