sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
