I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
