I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
