I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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