I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's never too late to be topless.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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