Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize