I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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