I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
