Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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