So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
