you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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