can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
