I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize